"I Have No Inner Monologue!"

Today was my turn to lead services at a couple area nursing homes.

These services tend to go one of two ways: either I'm facing down a bunch of catatonic stares for 45 minutes, or there is a boistrous running commentary going on (which may or may not pertain to the worship at hand).

At one of these places, there is also a woman I've affectionately dubbed "The Belcher" because as long as she is awake, she will let loose a string of belches that would do any fifth grade boy proud. Every once in a while she'll interrupt herself to say "Ex-CUUUUSE me!" I've gotten used to it, but actually, it's kind of gross, and it totally freaked me out the first time I was at her residence because I thought she was going to be sick. The more seasoned colleague who was co-presiding that day leaned in and said "It's alright, that's typical. She'll do it until she falls back asleep." And she did!

But I digress. Today was a running commentary kind of day. The Belcher wasn't there, but a new resident made up for her absent distraction factor. This new woman has no inner monologue.

Seriously.

As I was setting up for the service, she said
"You have the most beautiful hair."
I looked up from what I was doing and responded, "Thank you."
Her eyes shot up and her head jerked back in surprise,
"You heard that?"
"Yes. . .you said it out loud."

That was only the beginning. Things either devolved or became absurdly funny after that, depending on your point of view. I'm a fan of the absurd, personally, so at least days like this keep the job interesting!